I'll Never Hate You
by sweetrosey
Summary: Draco has always loved Harry. He can't live with this pain. One night, he decides to end it all. But does Harry really hate him? DMHP R&R!
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter! DAMMIT!  
  
Warning: Slash, Cutting.  
  
A/N: Hey...I'm Rosy. If anyone here reads Kodocha or Demon Dairy, you might know me! This is my first HP fic. It IS slashy, so if you don't like it, than don't read it. Though I suggest you try it.  
  
Like I said, this is my first attempt at Harry Potter. This is probably not my best work. So if you hate it, don't be like, "MAN! This writer sucks ass! I'll never read one of her stories again!"  
  
That would be mean!  
  
Rain: What...ever.  
  
Oh, I'm sorry, everyone, this is Rain. Rain is my muse. She's a bit...dark. **shudder. **  
  
Oh, and this chapter is a song fic, but the next chapter won't be.  
  
// = thoughts.  
  
- = lyrics.  
  
++ = flashback.  
  
OKAY! Well, please R&R! Here we go:  
  
++++  
  
I'll never hate you.  
  
-I'm not a perfect person  
  
There's many things I wish I didn't do-  
  
Draco Malfoy sat on the cold, tile floor of the bathroom alone, blonde hair falling over his perfect gray eyes. However, tonight the normally cold, steel eyes glistened with tears. His heart pounded as a shaky hand reached under the sink, and pulled out a gleaming knife. Slowly, Draco lowered it to his wrist. As the cold silver touched his skin, a shiver ran through Draco's body. This was not the first time he had cut. His arms were full of raw cuts, and old scars. But still, he never could get used to the first touch of silver against skin.  
  
He drew the knife along his arm, a trail of blood following it. Draco smiled through his tears, through his pain. Tonight he would end it all.  
  
-But I continue learning  
  
I never meant to do those things to you-  
  
A brief memory flashed through Draco's mind. He stood over Harry and smiled down cruelly as Harry stared up at him, his eyes wide.  
  
++"I don't hate you, Draco." Harry had whispered, causing the smile to slip slowly from his face.  
  
"DAMMIT!" The shout escaped Draco, causing Harry to meet his eyes in surprise. "Dammit, you...you're...supposed to! Dammit, Harry, hate me!"  
  
And he had kicked him, hard in the stomach. Harry had doubled over in pain, blood splattered down his robes from an open cut.  
  
He had looked at Draco, into his eyes, into his soul. And, for a second, Draco thought that Harry understood.  
  
"I still don't hate you." ++  
  
-And so I have to say before I go  
  
That I just want you to know-  
  
A tear slipped down from Draco's eyes. Malfoy's weren't supposed to cry. But that didn't matter...he wouldn't be a Malfoy much longer.  
  
Quickly, he bandaged his arm. Best save the blood for later. First, he had things to take care of.  
  
He pulled out a quill from his pocked, and began to write.  
  
Dear Harry,  
  
Gods, I don't even know where to begin. I'm sorry, Harry, Gods, I'm so fucking sorry for...everything. I don't know why I did it...everything. I wanted to be with you so badly, and, if it couldn't be in friendship...in love...than I would be with you in hate. When you read this note, Harry, I will be gone. I will no longer on this Earth. I just...don't have a reason to live anymore Harry. I can't live anymore. Not like this...  
  
-I've found a reason for me  
  
To change who I used to be  
  
A reason to start over new  
  
And the reason is you-  
  
I know...nothing could ever take back what I've done to you Harry. No words could ever take back what I've done. Everything I've put you through...  
  
-I'm sorry that I hurt you  
  
It's something I must live with everyday  
  
And all the pain I put you through  
  
I wish that I could take it all away-  
  
++ Draco stood over Harry, a tear falling from his shining gray eyes. But he wiped it away before Harry could see.  
  
Malfoy's didn't cry.  
  
Harry wiped his bleeding mouth on the back of his hand, his eyebrows furrowed, all his energy focused on not crying out in pain... ++  
  
-And be the one who catches all your tears  
  
That's why I need you to hear-  
  
And, Harry, I want you to know how sorry I am...about what happened today...  
  
++ Harry bent over, picking up the things on the floor that Draco had thrown. Draco just smirked.  
  
Harry, his stuff gathered and held tightly to his chest, turned to face Draco.  
  
"I don't know why you do this to me, Malfoy. All this pain you put me through. But I don't care. I'll never hate you, Malfoy. No matter what you do to me. Because if I hate you, you win."  
  
"Fuck you, Potter!" Draco had snarled. "Fuck you and that bloody scar on your head. Fuck you for thinking your better than me! Fuck you, Potter! You're not the savior of the bloody world! You're the bloody downfall! You'll kill us all; just like you killed you bloody parents!"  
  
Harry met Draco's eyes. His emerald ones where clouded with tears. He didn't see Hermione struggling to keep a grunting Ron back. He didn't see that the entire hallway had stopped to look at him. He just saw Draco.  
  
"I'll. Never. Fucking. Hate. You." He whispered.  
  
And then he ran. ++  
  
-I've found a reason for me  
  
To change who I used to be  
  
A reason to start over new  
  
And the reason is you-  
  
Another tear streamed down Draco's face.  
  
God, how could he say that to him?  
  
He turned back to the letter, and finished it:  
  
I can't say anything that will make it better. That will make this all go away. All I can say is... I love you, Harry.  
  
-I'm not a perfect person  
  
I never meant to do those things to you-  
  
// I love you so much...//  
  
-And so I have to say before I go  
  
That I just want you to know-  
  
Tears fell freely from his eyes now. They knew no restraint. The cold steel touched his wrist once more. This time, he would do it.  
  
He drew a deep line, and blood poured over his robes.  
  
This time....he would end it.  
  
-I've found a reason for me  
  
To change who I used to be  
  
A reason to start over new  
  
And the reason is you-  
  
"I just wish I could change this..." He whispered as his vision became blurry.  
  
-I've found a reason to show  
  
A side of me you didn't know  
  
A reason for all that I do  
  
And the reason is you-  
  
Harry Potter sat in the Gryffindor tower, looking out at the stars hanging over the Forbidden Forest.  
  
// Tomorrow// He thought, // Tomorrow, I'll tell him how I feel. //  
  
He smiled, looking dreamily at a star.  
  
"I could never hate you. I never will. No matter what. After this...after all of this...I can still never hate you. I...tomorrow, I'll tell you.  
  
"I love you, Draco Malfoy."  
  
-And the reason is you....-  
  
++++  
  
A/N: well, there you have it! I realize it wasn't the best. Angsty too. Well, anyways, I hope you liked it. Sorry for the crappyness!!  
  
Please R&R!  
  
Hey, okay, I just got some reviews, three good ones, one kind of bad one. to her- I actually was going to make a sequel where Harry has to find Draco. Who votes for that? Who says, screw it, leave it? 


	2. I'll Always Love You

Disclaimer: Still don't own Harry Potter **grumble grumble**  
  
Warnings: Slash, uhhh...blood? Lol.  
  
A/N: Hey! It's me again. This is the, well; it's not really a sequel, since I just added it on to the first chapter. Thought it would be easier that way....lol. Most of the reviewers wanted a sequel/another chapter, so here it is! I hope everyone likes it! Please R&R!  
  
// = thoughts  
  
++ = flashback  
  
++++  
  
When we last left them....  
  
"I just wish I could change this..." He whispered as his vision became blurry.  
  
-  
  
Harry Potter sat in the Gryffindor tower, looking out at the stars hanging over the Forbidden Forest.  
  
// Tomorrow// He thought, // Tomorrow, I'll tell him how I feel. //  
  
He smiled, looking dreamily at a star.  
  
"I could never hate you. I never will. No matter what. After this...after all of this...I can still never hate you. I...tomorrow, I'll tell you.  
  
"I love you, Draco Malfoy."  
  
++++  
  
I'll Always Love you.  
  
Harry Potter sighed, drawing his eyes away from the gleaming stars. He couldn't sleep. His stomach was in knots, just from thinking about what he had to tell Draco the next day.  
  
He loved him.  
  
Harry supposed he had always loved Draco; he had just masked the feelings with hate. Yes, Draco hit him. Yes, he kicked him, he hurt him. For awhile Harry was torn apart by this. He knew Draco had always hated him, but their "relationship" had never been abusive until this year. Harry just assumed that he hated him even more now, for some reason or another. But then, once, when Draco was again beating him...  
  
++Draco was standing over him, a harsh smile playing on his lips. But there was something about the smile that was different. As Draco stared down at Harry, his smile seemed to...waver.  
  
Harry drew in a deep, rattling breath and whispered, "I don't hate you Draco." That was the first time Harry had used his first name. Something about it seemed right, as it slipped through his lips.  
  
Draco's smile slipped. Rage...and something else...surged in his eyes.  
  
"DAMMIT!" Draco had shouted, causing Harry to glance up and meet his eyes in surprise. "Dammit, you...you're...supposed to! Dammit, Harry, hate me!"  
  
That was the first time that Draco had said his name.  
  
Then Draco had kicked him, hard in the stomach. Harry had reeled over in pain, clutching his throbbing stomach. A gash from early fights had reopened, and blood splattered out of it, dirtying his robes.  
  
Then he rolled over, looking into Draco's eyes. There was something there. Something that wasn't hate. Regret? It couldn't be. But for a moment, Harry felt he knew Draco.  
  
"I still don't hate you. ++  
  
Harry sighed again. What was that in his eyes? It couldn't have been regret...why would Draco regret beating him? It must have been something else...perhaps something worse than hate...loathing? Some new evil that Draco had yet to release on Harry?  
  
He chuckled softly. He wondered what Draco would do when he told him how he felt the next day. He would probably curse him. He wondered what Ron would do when he found out. What the rest of the Gyrfindor's would do...  
  
They'd probably call him a daft sod. Who loves someone that did things like that to them? But still, Harry just couldn't help thinking...that Draco did those things for a reason...  
  
Harry got down from the windowsill. He needed to do something. It was obvious he wasn't going to get much sleep tonight. He climbed silently to his trunk, whipping out his invisibility cloak. Then, swinging it over his shoulders, he walked down the stairs, and out the portrait hole.  
  
He headed to the prefects bathroom.  
  
Having nothing to do, he had decided to take a shower. He was going to the prefect's bathroom, because it did provide the least chance of getting walked in on.  
  
Granted, he was not truly supposed to be in the prefect's bathroom, not being a prefect himself. But Ron and Herm, no less, gave him the password every time.  
  
Spotting the entrance, he walked up to it and whispered, "Amour." The entrance opened, and he walked in.  
  
His eyebrows furrowed together as he saw a small, white piece of paper on the ground. Letting the door close behind him, he bent down and picked it up.  
  
Oddly enough, it was addressed to him. He unfolded it, and read:  
  
Dear Harry,  
  
Gods, I don't even know where to begin. I'm sorry, Harry, Gods, I'm so fucking sorry for...everything. I don't know why I did it...everything. I wanted to be with you so badly, and, if it couldn't be in friendship...in love...than I would be with you in hate.  
  
When you read this note, Harry, I will be gone. I will no longer on this Earth. I just...don't have a reason to live anymore Harry. I can't live anymore.  
  
Not like this...  
  
I know...nothing could ever take back what I've done to you Harry. No words could ever take back what I've done. Everything I've put you through...And, Harry, I want you to know how sorry I am...about what happened today...  
  
I can't say anything that will make it better. That will make this all go away. All I can say is...  
  
I love you, Harry.  
  
-Draco Malfoy.  
  
Harry was staring at the letter in shock, his mind not fully wrapping around the words when a small moan came from the corner.  
  
Turning his head, he saw a blood soaked Draco Malfoy.  
  
Harry rushed to him, the letter stuffed into his pocket. He looked over him quickly. He had slit his wrists, and blood was still flowing freely over his robes, and splattering on the floor. His normally pale skin was paper white because of the loss of blood. He seemed to be slowly slipping in and out of consciousness.  
  
"Oh, Gods..." Harry whispered, "Oh Gods Draco..."  
  
He pulled off his shirt, roughly tearing it in messy pieces, but ones big enough to cover his bleeding wrists. He quickly wrapped the pieces around Draco's wrists and tied them tightly. They wouldn't stop the bleeding, but they may slow it down...  
  
"Hang on, Drac," Harry whispered softly, "I won't let you go..."  
  
Draco's head turned to face him, his eyes fluttering open again. His eyes did not seem to focus. But still, he whispered "Harry..."  
  
Harry didn't know if he saw him or he was just whispering his name...  
  
Quickly, Harry picked him up. He was much lighter than he appeared. Whisking the cloak back over him, Harry hurried out of the bathroom, and headed to the hospital wing...  
  
----  
  
Harry sat over Draco. The night before, he had gotten him to the wing just in time. Madame Pomfrey had said that if it was any later, Draco would not have made it. They fixed him up alright; Madame Pomfrey had done a blood retrieving spell. But still, she said, he had lost so much...things could always go wrong.  
  
Harry had watched over him all night, tears running down his cheeks. He had read the letter again and again.  
  
'I love you, Harry.'  
  
He...loved him. Gods, please let it be true. Please don't let him wake up and have it all have been a joke, have him hurt me...  
  
Harry lowered his head into his hands sadly, sobbing into them.  
  
Just let him wake up...  
  
His shoulders shook softly as he cried into his hands. He did not see Draco's eyes flutter open.  
  
"Harry?"  
  
The words were so quiet Harry almost didn't hear them. Then, he thought he had imagined them. But when he glanced up, he met the opened eyes of Draco Malfoy.  
  
"Draco..."  
  
Harry could see that Draco was going to try and recover from his blunder, try to be rude to him. But, before he could say anything, Harry said quickly, "I found your letter."  
  
Draco's eyes went wide, his face even more placid, if possible.  
  
"W-what happened?" He managed to choke out.  
  
"I f-found you in the bathroom...you...you were...bleeding." Harry whispered, tears streaming down his face. "I thought you were going to die...I thought I was going to lose you..."  
  
"What would you have cared?" Draco murmured.  
  
Harry met his eyes. "Do you know why I could never hate you?" He asked.  
  
Draco, his eyes confused and downcast, nodded slowly. "If you hate me...I win."  
  
Harry smiled a small, sad smile. "No." He whispered, and Draco's head jerked up. "I'll never hate you...because...I'll always love you."  
  
Draco's eyes clouded. "You...you..."  
  
"I love you."  
  
Harry pulled himself out of the chair, and pulled Draco close to him. Draco buried his head into Harry's neck, crying quietly.  
  
Malfoy's never cried.  
  
But Draco didn't care.  
  
"I...thought...you were g-going to d-die...You l-lost so much b-blood..." Harry whispered into Draco's soft hair.  
  
Draco let go of Harry, gently smiling. "I'm not going anywhere."  
  
Then the pressed his lips gently to Harry's. And for a moment, Harry didn't see a very confused looking Madame Pomfrey, holding Draco's potion, or a dreamy looking Hermione. He didn't see a very ruffled Ron. He just saw Draco.  
  
And that's all he wanted to see.  
  
*--* fin *--*  
  
A/N: OKAY! Well, there we go! THE END! I hope everyone liked it! Keep in mind; this WAS my first Harry Potter fic!!  
  
Thanks to all those who reviewed!!  
  
Autore Kozoma- I hope this was the kind of "resolution" you wanted! Lol! I hope you liked it!  
  
Kimmy15- YAY! He saved him! Don't worry, I'm not THAT evil!! MUAHAHAhA!  
  
Spideria- Hahaha, yes, I'm a Drama Queen too! Thank you, I hope you liked this!  
  
Lyonessheart- I wrote another chapter! He saved Harry! Wahoo, all is happy! Is that better?  
  
Elssha- Thank you so much! I can't wait to write another Harry Potter fic, they're so much fun!  
  
Ecrivain296- Thank you, I think you are one of the people that didn't know I was writing this chappie...well, I hope if you read it, you liked it!  
  
Crimson Skye- GASP! That's hurtful! I would walk across the hall to your room write now, BUT I'M TOO LAZY!  
  
Rain: GIVE ME MY KNIFE NOW YOU FLAMING SOD!!  
  
Thanks to them! Please, everyone review! I hope everyone enjoyed this!  
  
Ly Forever,  
  
*--* Rosy *--*  
*--* 


End file.
